This list may be controversial, but still an important one.
Because the points are not obvious. It's not straight up bullying, insults or lies.
They're in my opinion, everyday remarks which are used all the time. Sadly, they do affect people deeply as we dish them out.
1) "Stop shouting"
I've lost my temper, my cool and all my shit before simply because the other party was being extremely unreasonable and difficult.
And so, I hit my limits. I raised my voice. I yelled.
Right there and then, the argument stops. My point of view and side of the story were effectively thrown out.
And of course, I am in the wrong immediately. Everything becomes my fault even though that's not true. The issue is never visited again. A skewed version of the story would be told to others, putting me as the villain.
Why? Because my volume went up.
I don't condone losing your temper and raising your voice just to get your point across. It's immature, unclassy and downright disrespectful. It's also fucking scary. It's something I am working on myself.
But yet, I do feel people say this in order to escape not having to reflect on themselves and their unreasonable behavior.
2) "I was just joking"
Have you ever encountered friends who simply went too far with a joke that's not even funny at all?
You aren't cool with it. And so you say something. You express how you feel. You let it be known that you took offence.
And you're sprly dismissed with a failsafe: "Hey man, chill, I was just joking."
Unsurprisingly, the bad jokes continue.
I personally think that this is a common form of gaslighting. People do try to get away with it by declaring that it was just a joke.
If you're consistently uncomfortable and upset with the so-called jokes around you, I strongly suggest you re-evaluate who your friends really are and whether your friendship has been a joke all along.
3) "If you love your mother, you will..."
This is only true if your mother loves you and not some useless member to society.
Face it, some mothers are not meant to be mothers at all.
So where's the gaslighting involved?
Some people, who come from loving families cannot comprehend the idea that some of us don't love our mothers or that we actually recognize their flaws.
I love my mom, but she drives me up the wall sometimes. Hence, I don't give in to her all the time. In fact, I would go out of my way to make sure things go my way sometimes, especially when I know that I am in the right.
To some, this is unheard of. This is blasphemy. You must love your mother. Obey her no matter what. You must do everything for her. You must forever remain her child.
The gaslighting comes from their unenlightened mind. They'd say and think all sorts of bad things about you if you don't treat your mother like a goddess. They wouldn't give you the time of the day.
It's important to know that each and everyone of us has our own family dynamics. Each of our household is different. Respect that.