Recently, a friend texted me asking for a "big favor."
He replied that he got the message loud and clear.
I then said it took me getting burnt extremely badly before to learn how to be this forward.
I was then tempted to ask if he was okay, but I thought better of it.
That honestly felt liberating.
I proceeded to ask other friends what are their thoughts about loaning money to friends. I firmly put it out there that I will never loan money to a friend again.
I added that I don't give a fuck how big or small the amount is.
I also added I do not need to know the story. I said I do not care if someone is sick, dying or dead. I do not need to know the story and I do not want my money to be involved.
Some friends were a little taken aback.
I got typical responses like, "Oh what if it's your really good friend?"
"What if it's just $100?"
"What if it's $5?"
(Seriously, if you need to borrow $5 from me and you're living in a modern society, you need to turn your life around and get a fucking job. I'd gladly buy you lunch and give you a earful to push you in the right direction, something nobody was there to tell me when I was down on my luck, not that I ever tried borrowing money from friends before for such a purpose though.)
Again, my answer is no. And if you do not understand this, I dare say you're an adult who hasn't grown up.
That felt extremely liberating.
I've paid the caveat.
I've effectively lost thousands of dollars. I lost tons of sleep. I was angry a lot.
That's what I lost to gain this confidence in me. That's what I lost to be able to feel like I am in full of control.
You really shouldn't have to lose so much just to be in full control.
You really shouldn't have to go through so much pain and anger just to feel like you actually have control over what you should have control over in the first place. That's a bad tradeoff.
Perhaps it's time you look in the mirror and what you have in front of you today. Look at what belongs to you. Hold it tight and don't let go of it just because some toxic loser is trying to steal it.
If a friend is trying to do that and does not wish to understand your point of view, then that is not a friend to begin with.