Alright, I've decided to take a stab at this myth, that women like or continuously want to date assholes a.k.a. the "bad boy" or jerk only.
Read on and you’ll see why this is not solely her problem. It is a direct myth. The problem also lies in guys. It’s not what you think. Watch how I fit in guys in the equation.
WHY WOMEN DATE ASSHOLES- THE STRAIGHTFORWARD ANSWER
A girl meets a dude. She is attracted to him. She thinks he looks attractive and speaks well. It doesn’t matter if they’ve a lot in common or not.
Girl continues to date the guy. They’re happy.
They start to fight. She realizes he wasn’t all that he seemed to be and starts to see his ugly side. She realizes that he is full of shit, even a coward deep down.
He does a lot of not-so-attractive things like refusing to study, borrowing her money, refusing to get a job, getting drunk all the time, taking forever to return texts or calls, getting in trouble with the law and oh man, he’s cheating on her!
Despite all his asshole-tendencies, they’re still together in a relationship.
Why? Because she remembers the strong feelings created from the attraction during their first meeting. She believes there is still hope in the relationship. She believes that she is the only one on the planet who can change him for the better.
Also, it has been a while since they got together. She is afraid to call it quits as she thinks it’s a waste. She wants to revive it all.
They’re still fighting.
This is the part she’s complaining to her friends about why her boyfriend is such an asshole/loser/douchebag and why she keeps ending up with such guys. Due to a lack of understanding and/or straight-up denial, she blames her own “bad luck” or that she’s too dumb to know what love really means.
This the part YOU, the non-asshole nice guy is always willingly there for her. You listen to all her problems all the time.
This is the part YOU lament, “Women only like bad boys”. And because you believe this to be true, you judge that a guy is a “bad boy” as long as he has tattoos, rides a bike, is loud, drives a flashy car, has a six-pack and yes, dates more than one girl. Hell, with any luck, he’s also bullying you. This is your superficial reasoning.
This is the part YOU conclude, “I am a nice guy and nice guys finish last.” Heck, you even say this and secretly hope someone acknowledges you for being that nice guy. On some level, you take pride in this. You know it. And you deeply want something in return, but refuse to admit so because you believe it’s only right to be nice and not expect anything in return.
This is the part YOU whine, “I’ve just been friendzoned.”
There you have it. The scene-by-scene breakdown to why women date assholes. It’s everybody’s fault. I just blew your mind.
Obviously, there’s a lot of subtlety involved, and they’re related to a lot of foundational truths in life. They’re all applicable to both guys and girls.
I can’t go into the how-tos without providing an explanation, so I’m going to just lay out the facts. You’ll see how it all ties in to the problem of women dating assholes and how non-asshole guys allow this shit to happen in the first place.
Ready to break down the question to why women date assholes?
4 FACTS ABOUT DATING TO HELP EVERYBODY GET RID OF THE ASSHOLE
1) Attraction is not a choice
This is a fact of life. Attraction is not a choice. Period. You can be attracted to somebody and not even understand it. By that extension, we want what we can’t get and even want what is considered bad for us. We like to ignore everything that is supposedly good.
You can thus discard all the garbage self-help books, magazines or what your friends and family have been telling you. These are your feelings we’re talking about. As emotional creatures, we can never be perfectly explained in books or whatever.
How to utilize attraction properly: Simply put, follow your gut and never deny how you feel.
In the dating scene, attraction is mostly rampant in the initial phases i.e. when you guys just met. When there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry and that is awesome. If you guys hit it off, you guys have hit it off and that’s super fun. This is very powerful.
That’s all there is in the attraction phase. You get attracted all you like, follow your gut and just have fun.
This sounds extremely obvious, but why is it important? Because there’re many people who are not following their heart, but instead listening to others.
I’ve seen my own guy friends who obviously like some girl and they’re like, “Oh I like her, but my friends think she’s fat. I don’t think I should date her then”.
This is fucking ridiculous.
The minute you choose to abide by others’ standards of dating and not your own, you lose by default. The relationship is going to fail with that shitty foundation, that is, if you two even get together in the first place which is highly unlikely.
Look, you guys JUST met. Despite your attraction, you don’t know him or her fully. Follow your own gut and try not to think too much about it. Whatever happens later can be dealt with later.
2) Presentation is extremely important
Looks matter. People are superficial. The world is a judgey place. Get over it.
This is not just about the clichéd idea that guys like slim girls with long hair or girls liking hot guys with six-packs. It’s also about how somebody chooses to present his or her innate personality, hence charisma at the start i.e. the attraction phase.
How to present yourself fully: Well, you know. You just do what it takes to make yourself look good.
Dress well. Put on cologne or perfume. Speak up. Don’t mumble. SHOWER. Buy trendy clothes. Stop being so shy. Exercise. Take an air-conditioned route so you don’t show up sweaty and smelly.
Easier said than done? It is, but many don’t bother to take care of their looks and end up looking like shit. The onus is on you. It’s how much you want it.
It’s baffling how so many guys out there choose to look like a slop on the first date. I recently heard of a dude who said he intentionally brings girls out to cheap, shitty eateries on first dates because that’d “test her on whether she’s down-to-earth and not after my money.”
That is a horrible misunderstanding on how one would think they can bridge the gap to see if personalities can get along. If you act like this on dates and still wonder why women date assholes and not you, you really need to read on.
3) It’s not nice guy vs bad boy. It’s weak vs strong
Listen up now. This part is going to be heavy. This is something I learnt from reading books by Neil Strauss.
There’s no such thing as a “bad boy”, at least not in the misunderstood, mainstream sense. It’s also not a bad thing to be a nice guy, in which you don’t necessarily have to finish last.
It’s simply who is strong enough to go for what he wants. And you automatically lose if you believe that you have to finish last.
Look at it this way: An asshole, or a bad boy may be an asshole with nothing going on for him in his life, but he knows how to present himself well. He even knows how to lie. He goes for what he wants by putting on a show and doing what it takes to impress her. He speaks his mind and hence looks good on the outside.
And nobody is the wiser, yet. See how presentation works even though it can be full of bullshit?
On the other hand, you, the nice guy believe that being is nice is enough. But your presentation is horrible. You’re shy. You don’t speak up. You mumble. Your clothes are the same shit you wore back in high school and your hair is longer than your dog’s.
And nobody is the wiser of how you’re actually a really nice guy who has done a ton of volunteer work or regularly gives up his seat for the elderly. Why? Because you don’t even speak up and you aren’t attractive at all! Who is going to want to know you better in a social setting if you aren’t even ready to present what you’re all about? How is anyone going to take you seriously if you come across as weak?
Do you honestly think somebody would want to continue a conversation with you if you breath stinks?
See how important presentation is for things that are truly important in life?
HOW TO BE NICE, STRONG AND TOTALLY NOT WEAK AT ALL:
First, be nice. This is basic common sense. That’s all.
But being nice doesn’t mean you have to be submissive. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Don’t let others take you for granted and let them walk all over you.
Imagine a social setting where you, the nice guy laughs weakly at a joke that was made to put you down. The same joke was passed over to the asshole, but he responds back with an even funnier joke, thus showing everybody that not only is he witty, but also not somebody to be messed with. Right there and then, nobody is going to care that he’s truly an asshole because they’re too busy laughing.
Also, again, remember that presentation is extremely important. I cannot reiterate this enough. Looks matter and people are superficial. Get over it. Use this to your benefit and start doing what it takes to look good. Nobody is going to remember you if you look plain. Nobody wants to be near you if you smell like shit too. Juxtapose all of that with a “bad boy” who willingly shows off his stereotypical tattoos and muscles. He’s at least appealing to his niche audience. Get it?
The strong guy also willingly gets out of his comfort zone to get he wants. The nice but weak one doesn’t dare to do anything (and instead takes solace in the fact he’s nice and hence good enough.)
Don’t settle for “enough.” Just do what it takes to get what you want. Push yourself and get over your fears. Remember, a girl would never fall for somebody she does not respect. If you’re the nice little friendzoned boy who keeps listening to her ranting about her asshole boyfriend, then that’s all you’re going to ever be.
You’d definitely gain some respect if you muster up that courage and say, “I’m sick of you whining about your useless boyfriend. Both you and I know I’m a better choice for you, but you’re blind to it. I can’t be this guy anymore. Talk to me when things change.”
Getting clearer on why women date assholes? Read on for more.
3a) The Friendzone does not exist
Please eliminate this false idea. It’s only a weak conclusion you’ve come up with in your head that you aren’t good enough for her. It is also an excuse you use to cover up the fact that you’ve been too gutless to do anything to win her heart.
And when you do actually believe in this shit, you’re allowing real assholes to have their way. They’re simply grabbing the opportunity for you.
How to get out of the friendzone:
If you like him or her, ask them out. That’s all. Eventually, let them know how you feel.
Yes, they may not however, feel the same. That’s life. Not everything goes your way.
Move on then. At least you know you’ve tried. The next better person will come along and you’ll be happy.
And guess what? You’d still have the privilege of being her friend. That’s a good thing! Stop saying “friendzone” like it’s a bad thing. Do you want to be her enemy instead? Perhaps you aren’t ready to be the friend. Fine. Take your time to recover and come back later then.
Think about how ironic it is then that the asshole got the girl while you, the nice guy is sitting on the sidelines.
4) It’s honestly your own responbility to dump the asshole and overtake him
What more can I say…
This isn’t about girls dating an asshole. This isn't about a girl ignoring a nice guy who's right in front of her. It’s about recognizing the toxic people in your life and dumping them.
Girls… if you know you’re dating the wrong guy, dump him. Breakups hurt, but you’ll be fine. The next one will be better. Don’t be afraid to make the best decision of your life.
Guys… please step up your game so these assholes don’t get their way. It's time you take steps to let her know how you feel and only you can do it.
I hope this gives you some clarification to why women date assholes.